Victor Porton's Personal Weblog

From my email correspondence with a Christian anonymous under the pseudonym Joel Garven, which has read my article End of Gospel (draft) and after this wrote me a letter. Note that the emails may be a little edited by me for orthography and clarification. In these my letters I not only discuss the theology but also express my psychological and social state, I have also pleaded Joel Garven about money. (This gratuitous man has finally agreed to give me money.) Joel helped me to return to proper psychological state from complete despair. Very interesting and intriguing, there are several amazing great intrigues behind this stuff! It could be said turning out like humor if would not be a tragedy.

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I have skipped the very first Joel Garven's letter to me where he critiques that my article, because it would be too hard for us to watch through the discussion. So here is presented the opinion only of one the two arguing sides (my opinion). Below follows fragments from several different letters on different topics. Sorry that these are not properly classified in this preliminary publication (which can then also be used for reference about this event). My Letter 1 Hello Joel, First I want to say that I has come to despair. I have become nervous and I am ready to get fire and to set the house where I live to fire. I am in a wrong psychological state. I cannot bear end of gospel because I was in no way prepared that the Gospel would suddenly end. I'm not in a shock or depression on the neuro-physiology level, but my state is like shock or depression indeed, because I feel myself confused too much. It is irrational because I have no particular reason to be in despair as I have come to a new knowledge level and it is good. But my rationalness was years largely based on gospel and I cannot stay firmly without this foundation. And (being a (failed) apostle in the past) I decided that I'm among the last of men, even worse than Hitler. I am near to a suicidal mood because of this. Thank you for your work of speaking with me, but maybe it would be more reasonable to deliver me to psychiatrists instead. (Anyway thank you that you speak with me, even it gives me some hope.) I consider myself as a pharisee. Pharisees were people who were attempting to follow the Law as much as they can and were doing anything based on the law. Once Jesus Christ has come and has said such things which have rendered the past level (the Law) to be a nonsense in their situation (God's Law isn't a nonsense, but it has become a nonsense in the particular situation of come of the Messiah). These of Pharisees who have either believed that Jesus is the Messiah or not believing it indeed were having strong internal testimony in themselves that He is the Messiah (and were resisting this testimony, what was above the strength of their mind) were in the danger to come to the despair ("end of law" syndrome). I even suppose that Saul {who has later become called St. Paul} was either agreeing that Jesus is the Messiah or feeling like this and strongly trying to resist this testimony, even before he has meet Christ in the light. I suppose that probably Saul was fighting against the disciples of the Messiah by inertion, he was realizing that he does wrong but was unable to change himself to be adequate for the new conditions of the come of the Messiah and the end of the Law. Maybe Christ has come to Saul not to make him to understand that Jesus is the Messiah but just to make him a shock therapy to push his mind from the state from which Saul wanted but was unable to draw his mind out. I feel myself like that, as a Pharisee after the end of the Law, which has realized that the Law is ineffective anymore, but cannot properly change himself to be adequate, being not ready and essentially shocked. Next I afraid that my teaching may be dangerous to others just like to that it is found to be dangerous for myself. Sometimes I think that it would be better for me to kill myself. Additionally, I have recently make a technological invention which can be good but whose wrong use in my opinion would probably break the entire World economy. Not staying anymore on the foundation of the Gospel I afraid that in the future I would drift away to doing the evil and not properly controlling myself may use it to do evil. Isn't it better to kill myself? If somebody would cause my mood to raise, but vice verse all people either mock over me or ignore me. If the people around me would be reasonable at all they would give me as much money as they can as soon as they can to raise my mood that I would not break the World economy (not as hard deal as you may think) in bad mood, but reversely I live in poverty and even do not want to earn money anymore in despair being indeed offended by the fact that I am poor. My mood could fall and cause all the World economy to fall with it! (By the way, I am essentially bankrupt, but has caused the law-suit to fail and the judge even to fear me by writing irresponsible mad revolutionary dangerous legal nonsense on my Web site (in Russian language), so that I have really broken the law here, and the communication between me and judge has simply ceased with no reason. So my financial state hangs in nothing, like an astronaut in outer space, I do not stay on a ground. You can read also the text at bottom of http://freesoft.portonvictor.org/index.html) Next, I want to say that my article the end of Gospel is in a very rough draft state, many things are missing there. Many of my arguments are yet missing. So our argumentation is not yet serious, and I even will not answer to most of your arguments now (only to some of them), because it would be otherwise a lengthly discussion. I will answer only some of the arguments. Probably we will return to this discussion later. (You may remind me.) On 21-Mar-2006 Joel Garven wrote: > In this e-mail I attempt to give a different way to look at things compared > to your paper "End of Gospel." I hope I make sense, and that I am not You do not insult me at all. {Note that I have skipped Joel Garven's explanations, because it would be hard both for myself and readers to read through the discussion.} > [Christ has come to us and was sacrificed for us by mistake. This statement > is not my invention, it is written in Bible: (2Cor. 5:21) For him who knew > no sin he made to be sin on our behalf; so that in him we might become the > righteousness of God. Christ never was making any mistakes. But His coming > was by mistake. The entire life of Jesus Christ was a big mistake.] > > Say someone was perfect, and decided they would die to pay for your sins. > Being perfect, that person would not be bound to hell, but having payed your > sins, you would not have to go to hell either. It does not make your sins > that person's fault, or make it a sin for that person to pay your way out of > Hell. It DOES, however, mean there are mistakes involved, "he made to be > sins on our behalf," meaning he payed for our sins, NOT that it was a > mistake for him to come to Earth. If you had a debt, and someone payed it in > full in Euros, that doesn't suddenly make it the person's fault you had a > debt, or anyone else's (you mention "His driver.") In modern language (English or Russian), if somebody would say "Victor Porton is a mistake" would it mean that I am a rich businessman and use my money to pay for mistakes of other men? Certainly not, it would mean that my life has come in mistakeous (wrong) conditions, that I have unsuccesses and failures. That person paying in Euros would not be called "becoming a mistake" in the modern language only on that foundation that he pays for mistakes of others. But if John's driver would cause John to come to a wrong meeting, then it is likely that the members of the meeting would say "John is a mistake" (either they deem John is good or bad, pays or not pays for others). Why ancient Greek should be different? > [So we have overweighted the importance of the visit of Christ. A great > teacher has come but all what He did was that He just read us from a > studybook, just like as any other (lower rank) teacher would do. Nothing > special has happened, we were simply over-impressed by the words that Christ > has come.] > > Nothing special? He spoke the truth! It is one thing to read from a human What I say is exactly that He was speaking truth but IRRELEVANT truth. We were mistaking that that the words of Jesus were relevant. No, it was a sin (a mistake), not relevant (despite of true). > {A quote from Gospel} "For sin will not have dominion over you. For you are not under law, but > under grace." > > [It is clear that this should somehow apply to any law and even to the > Gospel itself. But before it was not understood how it should be applied to > Gospel. For example, personally I before was supposing that regarding the > Gospel itself it means just raising from Gospel to a new level of Gospel > itself. But now I know how we should deal away with Gospel. Now this is > clear. > > What I say is: > > We are not under Gospel anymore, and what Gospel says is now not said to us. > That is God speaks in Gospel to others but not to us. > > (Ro. 3:19) “Now we know that whatever things the law says, it speaks to those > who are under the law...” > > This is just like as that after the end of the Old Testament what God speaks > in the book to the Jewish nation continues to be important, knowledgeable, > insightful, etc., but it is not spoken to us, it was spoken to them (Old > Covenant Jews), not to us.] > > THE GOSPEL IS NOT LAW!!! You base your conclusion on the fact that the law > does not apply to those saved by grace; so thus you conclude the gospel does > not apply to us. This would only be true if the gospel is law. IT IS NOT! > Law condemns. The Gospel forgives. The Gospel still applies. Note Romans > 3:21: "But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made > known..." The Gospel is not law, so it still applies to us. I deem that GOSPEL IS A SPIRITUAL LAW (just like as a believer is a spiritual sheep in the sense of the word sheep from the Old Testament). New Testament has re-interpreted Old Testament spiritually. In a similar way now Gospel is to be interpreted on the new spiritual level. In this SPIRITUAL sense "law" means "gospel", "deals" means "faith", "world" means "church", etc. (just like as "sheep" have been meaning "member of church"). Gospel is not law in the system of the New Testament, but I say that this system has fallen. Gospel is the spiritual law of the new system. A law COMMANDS, gospel TEACHES. But if we base all of our acts on a teaching then this teaching is like a COMMAND for us because we follow it. What was teaching in the old system in the new system are commands. In this sense Gospel is the law for these who follows Gospel with the entire heart. You say "law condemns, gospel forgives". But Gospel has caused me to SELF-CONDEMN myself. Gospel does not condemn but now Gospel may cause to self-condemn. In this sense Gospel spiritually condemns. I deem that Gospel still applies but now applies as a condemnation as a law. > [God calls not existing as existing, unsaved people as saved. Good news > (Gospel) is teaching of calling anything good, even bad things. Wonderfully > this is a solution. Called out salvation works in practice, e.g. sick become > healthy, thieves start to work, etc.] > > The Gospel does not teach that everything is good. It means that what is bad Certainly, gospel does not teach that everything is good. > is payed for. Under the Gospel, there is no law, BUT THERE IS STILL SIN: Yes, it means that what is bad is payed for. So Gospel is like a warranty. Having a broken CD player, it would be probably bad for you and you would say "a bad thing has happened with me". But if you have a good warranty, you based on the warranty would probably say "good" on this. In the same way when we were sinning it have been being bad and I could say "it was bad" about a sin. But based on the Gospel I would say "it is good because God has paid for the sin". It is what I mean, that BASED ON THE SACRIFICE OF CHRIST I would call a sin good. Here was also the warranty that the despair of sin will not grow causing sin itself to grow further (like economical inflation growing based on inflation expectation that is calling inflation bad). But saying good (based on the Gospel) on sins (calling bad things good), we were ceasing the warranty against despair to act and sins to cease. But well, now it has ceased to work with my person... > Corinthians 8:10-13: > 10 For if a man sees you, who have knowledge, taking food as a guest in the > house of an image, will it not give him, if he is feeble, the idea that he > may take food offered to images? > 11 And so, through your KNOWLEDGE, you are the cause of destruction to your > brother, for whom Christ underwent death. > [...] > Also, James 4:17: "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and > doesn't do it, sins." > Note there is no Law mentioned, it is not when someone breaks a law that he > sins, it is when someone does something they KNOW is wrong. One man could > eat meat, and it would not be a sin to him, but if another for some reason > thinks it is sinful, and he eats meat, he is sinning. Note that these sins > under the Gospel are still payed for by Christ; however, they are not sins > according to the Law, but literally according to our own true idea of right > [...] See what I have written above regarding the law and the knowledge. I say that accordingly to the Gospel, the Gospel is not a law but knowledge. But knowledge is a law for anyone who follows it. So despite of Gospel is not a law accordingly to Gospel, the Gospel indeed have been being a law for us who have been following the Gospel. And my problem is that I do not know anymore what is good and what is bad because the good (gospel) has found bad for me. In the end of Old Covenant stage the problem was that we were unable to follow the law anymore. Now the analogous problem is that we have been found unable to anymore understand (confused) what is good and what is wrong. Yes, the sins which you mention regarding the above Bible quote are not counted (accordingly the Gospel) as sins according to the Law; but they are counted as sins according to the law of our understanding, our internal law.. Accordingly the Gospel however the sins of our understanding are NOT payed for (otherwise unbelievers would be saved in the Gospel by the Gospel and would never go to hell). When these sins become essential the Gospel does not act anymore because the sins are not payed for. > [We need to realize that New Testament itself has become a problem and we > should somehow get rid of some things of New Testament. Calling anything > good prevents us to speak about problems and many problems lie unsolved.] > > See the above. The New Testament allows our own idea of right and wrong to > be the measurement against which are deeds are judged, rather than the Law. > We cannot just call anything good. But what is the measurement of "our idea of right and wrong" itself? I am saying about judging of this idea. We can call anything good for us (Bible says "All things work for good for... these who has received God's grace") accordingly our idea of what is good and bad, if this idea is based on Gospel, EXCEPT of this idea itself which may happen to be bad if it is based on the Gospel not in the right way. I am about not judging by faith but of judging the faith itself. "To do God's deal is to believe to the one who God has sent". Here Jesus calls faith a deal and the deals should be judged accordingly to the Gospel. So faith itself is to be judged. Here is the problem. > [(Gal. 2:19-21) “19 For I, through the law, died to the law, that I might > live to God. 20 I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I > that live, but Christ living in me. That life which I now live in the flesh, > I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself up for me. > 21 I don't make void the grace of God. For if righteousness is through the > law, then Christ died for nothing!” For the past stage "the law" was meaning > Gospel.] > > Again, when this verse was speaking about the Law, it did not mean the > Gospel. Remember, But it meant (among other things) OUR UNDERSTANDING OF GOSPEL, which has become the law for us. In this stage the law is our understanding of the Gospel. > Romans 3:21-22: "But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been > made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness > from god comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe." > > This righteousness that has been made known is the Gospel, and it is apart > from law, so it is not law. But in my understanding it means that the righteousness (spiritually, correctness of faith) is apart from our understanding of Gospel. Just like as the law was unable to help to behave righteously despite of the Law is right, Gospel cannot help to believe correctly, despite of Gospel is correct. [...] {skipped} > [Here Paul says that our preaching was foolish. It was a foolish deal to > preach.] > > Yes, and "it was God's good pleasure" that it be so. "was good pleasure" is in the Aorist grammar for in Greek. This means that it was so in the PAST (but acting now). So I interpret this as "it WAS good pleasure of God (to preach) in the past that is before the end of the Gospel" (however it continues to act now). So preaching is a past. > If you wish, I will continue to argue for my case, since I've barely gotten > 1/4 the way through your paper in this e-mail. I hope this was helpful. If I > wrote anything untrue or confusing, please tell me. Oh, I've said above that my arguments are draft... You now argue against a draft. I'm not sure whether it is reasonable... Decide yourself. Would you give me the permission to publish our correspondence (maybe a little edited in the external appearance and in the form of expressing the thoughts) in my weblog? Well, maybe better if you will not give me the permission because I afraid that these my letters may be harmful for the readers. So do you give me the permission, yes or no?.. Maybe your decision will be more right than would be my own decision, as only after the end of the Gospel I have learned to fulfill the requirement of the Gospel to count myself as a lower man that others (e.g. you) realizing that I have a worse mistake. -- Victor Porton - http://portonvictor.org Note that Joel Garven has replied with some counter-arguments to my above arguments. However I will not present his counter-arguments because it would be hard both for me and for the readers to classify the arguments and properly follow through the entire discussion. So I have presented only one of these two opposing points of view. Joel Garven's Letter 1 >Would you give me the permission to publish our correspondence (maybe a little > edited in the external appearance and in the form of expressing the > thoughts) > in my weblog? Well, maybe better if you will not give me the permission > because > I afraid that these my letters may be harmful for the readers. So do you > give > me the permission, yes or no?.. Maybe your decision will be more right > than would > be my own decision, as only after the end of the Gospel I have learned to > fulfill > the requirement of the Gospel to count myself as a lower man that others ( > e.g. > you) realizing that I have a worse mistake. You worry too much about the readers. We all have to make our own decisions. It is not your fault if someone is mislead by this, you have stated in many places you are unsure of yourself. Anyone could state the absolute truth and someone could be mislead by it, through their own "interpretations." You do not mean anyone any harm, and if you are confused it is no different, there is no sin in it. I give you permission to publish any of this, though I am a fool and the world will then know it . I hope I said something of value above, I wrote perhaps too much. [...] I do not know in how much debt you are, though I can get a checking account at a local bank. Can I only send certain sorts of checks for international use? I am 19, so I do not know these things (being in the US, so am especially ignorant . I plead that you do not give up. I place little value on money, so if it will help keep you out of trouble, it will be of more value. -Joel My Letter 2 {In impatience (see below) I have with no proper reason offended Joel, but Joel have forgiven me. (Moreover he has send the money!) Here are quotes from that my letter. Silly, yeah? I need a email from some Joel to write these things, as otherwise I was unable to legally publish such offensive stuff on my Web site, but now I can publish them as quotes (which are already forgiven).} On 21-Mar-2006 Joel Garven wrote: > First of all, I am a complete fool. My intelligence is not great by any > measure. I realize that "End of Gospel" was a draft, I was not careful with > my words. Please forgive me. Yes, you are a fool. Blood is on you and you remain calm. I just got a seat and was coming to kill my mother because she every requires [one of primary reasons why I hate this woman - removed because laws and rules forbid to speak] from me, and my patience is over after all this! {I have stopped and have not kill she once again.} You can pay for me to live in a separate house (only $100/month or lesser here in Russia) and as you do not do, you are killer, having [removed] with mother, and setter houses on fire. Well, anyway all you only say that you are Christians. Forgive me that I have written the above. I have written it only because cannot keep these words in my heart anymore (anyway I have no hope that you will do a right thing!) Maybe I will read and reply the rest of your letter later. Have you forgiven me? -- Victor Porton - http://portonvictor.org My Letter 3 {Second time} {In impatience I have with no proper reason offended Joel, but Joel have forgiven me. (Moreover he has send the money!) Here are quotes from that my letter. Silly, yeah? I need a email from some Joel to write these things, as otherwise I was unable to legally publish such offensive stuff on my Web site, but now I can publish them as quotes (which are already forgiven).} I want to speak further about money. (Not because I hope that this way you would pay me and I would become richer but from irrational desire to speak about my offense. I have already mentioned that I want to have money but I do not want to earn money in any way, because I am offended. I do not think whether as a result of this letter you may count me a cheater for money and even refuse to speak with me, I do not act reasonably anymore.) I could further conclude that you are a prostitute: Suppose you would pay me for renting a house. Then this could likely cause that getting rid of hated mother I will forget the offenses and reasonably do scientific research and (highest level) free software development for the progress of World economy. If you do not pay me, I am likely either to cease do anything useful or even crash World economy by mis-using my computer talents, because I am in offense. So it would be an illusion that you would pay me. It is the reverse you borrow finances from me (I pay you) if you would send me a payment. Lo, you (apparently doing nothing) now receive a payment for [...]. (Changing whether to [...] is the primary reason of payment.) I condemned you to be a prostitute. (I'm a past preacher and now till speak like a preacher, but without hope and without even attempting to follow Gospel's commandments like "do not judge".) Could you forgive me second time for judging you? I anyway cannot keep such words anymore, if not to you I will say this to somebody other. -- Victor Porton - http://portonvictor.org Joel Garven's Letter 2 True, I merely say I am Christian, others say it as well. Whether I am or not is up to God. I did not know any of this, and yet already the blood is on me? I hope you have not committed the crime yet. I ask that you do not. I ask that you do not even think of such things. [...] Please, if anything, do not do what you say. I should have replied earlier, but I fell asleep. Yes, I forgive you. -Joel My Letter 4 On 21-Mar-2006 Joel Garven wrote: > I did not know any of this, and yet already the blood is on me? I hope you I was just very irritated and impatient. It is the only reason why I have said that. (However below are my messy explanations.) I am yet nervous. Sometimes my hands are trembling, sometimes I feel feeble. Sorry a [...] sick person. I was irritated by such reasons as that when I was dying from hunger (it was in the past) I have called not only local police and (through a free Internet access center) Moscow officials, United Nations, USA President. Nobody has responded. I have an offense from that time to all men. I am was in a sense controlled by the offense, not by a reason (however there are indeed a concept behind this that I would consider you as a part of USA society which I have been considered condemned for not helping a dying and tortured Christian even in return of my promise to them to return money even with percents when I would be able...) But why to spend our time to explain it... simply sorry a mind sick person which does not control his tongue. When I was a preacher, I would ask you to deny USA (just like as one would deny drugs, alcohol, magic, etc. and anything of this world) together with all blood which sometimes was e.g. on American government. (I was kinda believing that if you would not deny your nation, you would be also counted not denying all its crimes and these would be counted your personal blames.) But now I am not a preacher anymore and it does not makes sense for me anymore. I say this just to explain the reasons behind my former words. Now I nor call you to this action (denying/cursing something) nor see any sense in "confessing the blood", etc. My words were without proper sense. I continue to say these things by inertion of my mind not fixed on anything, just controlled by offense. No intent to offend you in the above. It WAS offensive when I was attempting to preach. Now I do not preach anymore. I was preaching mistakes. > [...] In my imagination I was counting you not as a person but as a part of the American society, which was in contact with me before that and was sinning against me before. In my irrational offense I was blaming you for sins of others, what really does not make sense. [...] > Yes, I forgive you. Thanks. -- Victor Porton - http://portonvictor.org Joel Garven's Letter 3 I am going to wire money to my Moneybookers account tomorrow. I just opened a bank account today, I got payed for some paperwork I did. If you have not done these things, I will send money. I have no way to know one way or the other, but I will take your word. Please be patient, keep your sanity a while longer. -Joel My Letter 5 Hi, I am now really too weary for a theological discussion. Also it may be probably more useful later after "End of Gospel" article/book will mature out of draft stage (and either do its job of raising us to the next level of knowledge or maybe completely crash the Western civilization, I do not know what should happen, only God knows; but maybe it is better if it will be crashed now rather than maybe after 500 years in the future when somebody other could have the same idea, so that if I would not do this a rebellion in the 1000 Years Kingdom could maybe happen... I do not know what is better). So now I will reply only about the issues related with money. On 21-Mar-2006 Joel Garven wrote: > I did not know you were Christian for a very long time. > [...] I have become a born above Christian since 1995 year when Christ has momentally cured me from hard schizophrenia (complete madness) casting out a demon. I was born in 1980. [...] That other technology (I'd better now say nothing about it) is expected to be a very great benefit for World economy, but may be a great loss (bankruptcy of many) if [...] which I need to cautiously and carefully develop (being not nervous or irritated). > I do not know in how much debt you are, though I can get a checking account > at a local bank. Can I only send certain sorts of checks for international > use? I am 19, so I do not know these things (being in the US, so am > especially ignorant . I plead that you do not give up. I place little > value on money, so if it will help keep you out of trouble, it will be of > more value. Thank you very much! It seem that I have started to exit from despair and enter to a more normal state after you have said that you will send me money. (Oh, I may repent that I have lied a little in that my letter to you, saying that I had no hope at all that you will send the money... I was just expressing a person which has completely lost the hope and is in complete despair, like an actor. Notwithstanding this, I really was at the edge of self-killing or a criminal act like setting the big house at fire or causing a global economical crash, being in an evil state. You have saved me (and the World) from this my state by your help! As I've said I need about $100/month to rent a house (however I have not checked the prices long time). I'm not sure how much is needed for food, but it may be not very bad with about only $30/month (maybe even less). Here most things are much cheaper than in USA. Also it seems that I can spend less than $10/month for Internet. I have also forgot about clothes, teeth paste, cleaning means, etc. Also normal life seems impossible without a debit card. But all this is not a big sum. So the sum which I need may be about $150/month (not counting that I need something to make my computer to produce less noise, as the noise is also a factor which irritates me and that I need to pay for medicine - I see no other spends until the new computer does not happen to be broken). Also I need $30 to setup a new Internet connection, and I need to pay a little for deals related with transferring me to an other house. I've forget that I pay $21 per half year to Web hosting. I have some formal debts to the state but most probably will be never required to pay them, as my acts are counted as legal irresponsibility. (The debt was about $120 and increasing $3 every month with possible addition of (as far as I know, I have ceased to check the legal stuff) $120-300 each year but after my mad (il)legal nonsense publication on my Web site the state officials have simply ceased to write me anymore. They may count me as irresponsible and suicidal and really stop to require anything either following the law, or maybe ignoring the law just like myself...) Oh, well, I've forgot to say that my parents are going to go to Israel at the end of this summer! So probably I do not need a separate house for a long time, maybe only this summer is enough. Being at the edge of complete despair I was unable to concentrate on the thought that only a few month of life with hated persons is left and I was suicidal indeed. (Why I was more patient before? Because Gospel says to be patient and I was following it, so I have been unable to be patient without Gospel.) I have honestly told my needs because if my essential desires would not fulfill I am now a really dangerous to do some criminal act or worse to make a global economical disaster and I know no way to make my nerves normal in any other way. I also should mention that I have promised God to not be a businessman anymore. I can't easily quickly explain why I have promised this. However it seems that there are also a way to nullify this my promise (but I'm not sure). Well, I have not mentioned that I indeed have some revenue streams and if I will be able to make them to work the sum may much decrease. In the despair I have even ceased to attempt to properly deal with the checks to receive the money! You also could probably help me with check processing. I could specify your address and your name to send these checks to you! Oh, I have about $20-30 on my debit card (hopefully functional card). In fact I have $259.55 on my Google AdSense account (now this account increases only about $[the contract with Google does not allow to disclose this information]/month as I have ceased the systematic attempts to do a business). But I'm unsure about the legal state of this account and cannot 100% sure tell that I will be able to get these money. I also have about $100 in my former business partner account in USA. In despair I have ceased any attempts. I also have some about $120 on an other account and they soon should send me a check, if they are not cheaters. (I could specify your address and your name for the checks/wires/deposits, so that you would receive this check for me, for more reliable delivery, as not every check sent to/from Russia comes.) So you are going to send me up to $150 EACH MONTH (hopefully, less) as required, really? So, should I start to search for a suitable cheap house? Oh, well a so cheap house may be not found quickly I now act silly like a comic requiring money for a house which may be even not found before they go to Israel. Notwithstanding this you have given me hope and returned me to some (partial) rationality of my acts. So it seems that I am no more ready to commit a suicide or crime or worse at any time. Yes, I can say only that this is really a necessity. I know no other way to calm my nerves and cease my destructive acts. Well, I have even not done exact calculations. I'm yet unsure that I can do it in my present state. (I can properly count any things, but probably not money.) Ugh, maybe I indeed will count later and tell you... It is much better (faster, more reliable, etc.) to pay not with checks but through an online payment service (e-gold, EMO, or MoneyBookers): See http://portonvictor.org/donate-for-free-software.html So if you are really going to send me up to (most probably much less) $150/month, then please open e-gold, EMO, or MoneyBookers account (if you will open a e-gold and/or MoneyBookers account clicking the link from the above URL on my site, I could additionally have the affiliate payments from your transfers). Oh, well, I now have looked into your other email, where you say that you have opened a MoneyBookers account. MoneyBookers is a quite good payment mean for me. Then if you are going to do this, if you cannot send a big sum now indeed please send me any little sum of money (e.g. $1). I will also plead on my site that people would pay you back. Finally, I have quite good chances to win a $1000000 prize for math discoveries (http://www.mathematics21.org). In this case nothing would prevent me to pay you back much more that you'd pay to me. It is what I was able to say now. Sorry that I was expressing my counts and counting money not quite clearly... -- Victor Porton - http://portonvictor.org I am going over today to have a bank transfer to Moneybookers. They say allow 2-5 business days, so the $150 should be over in no more than a week, hopefully by Friday. I will be getting a job, too, (currently I am a student) so I will be able to continue this monthly, I have a bit in reserve so there should be no interruption. As much as it seems you need someone to deal with your business, I would prefer my address not be known for now . As much as business seems saddening, I implore that you make some attempt to deal with things. Thank you for keeping your patience. -Joel Victor, [...] I am applying for jobs now, I could work four hours a week and just about get most of the money required, if the IRS is easy on me. Though, I am going to work more than that . -Joel